As an addict in recovery it is always our hope that we can take back, change, or fix the wreckage from our pasts. In fact in early recovery we can be quite unrealistic in our expectations, & quite truthfully INDIGNANT when the slate is not wiped clean instantly. The truth is that I finally had to come to terms with the fact that I will never be able to take it away, or fix it..I can only be different now. By letting go of the unrealistic expectations & the still self centered hurt feelings it freed me to be more authentic in the life changes I wanted for me…Ya see instead of proving to others, or doing things so that I could get my ego stroked I began to work on me for ME… Authentic… doing the right thing no matter who can see you..Recovery is no different. It’s been a long road… not smooth sailing either but tonight I get to feel & see the restoration happening in my relationships this very moment. My son’s are on their way to visit…Left Washington 36 hrs. ahead of schedule because they are as excited as me.. IF I COULD HAVE ANYTHING IN THE WORLD FOR XMAS, $$$ NOT AN OBJECT I WOULD WANT NOTHING OTHR THAN THIS…THIS TIME, THIS LOVE, THIS MAKING OF BEAUTIFUL MEMORIES WITH THE TWO BEST THINGS I EVER HAD A PART OF!~Nikki~
I remember swimming in the deep end of the pool @ age of two, the residents in our apt. complex use to knock to see ‘The Baby Swim” I guess it was then that I got my love of public, social, & sillyness.
Ever the optimist the difference between the present & the past is that I am willing to CHASE MY DREAMS!
It’s funny how it took me till nearly 40 to figure out what was important…I years in wasted a lot of years in Chaos & negativity & am grateful everyday that I found my way. We all fall down, it is the failure to get up, missing the lessons & reaching out to others when they fall too that is the failure. I am in recovery from substance abuse… I tend to spew my truths often… It is possibly how we can make our mark on this world, by sharing our struggles without fear of losing face or personal embarrasment. It is easy to share our triumphs where we look like we got it all going on , however the ability to share the tests, the lessons, & the gratitude for it all may be just what someone else needs to hear so as not to feel so utterly alone in this BEAUTIFUL, SOMETIMES A LITTLE CRAZY LIFE WE ARE GIFTED WITH TODAY! :-)
